Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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