Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
