no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
