eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
