my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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