I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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