i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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