and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need moral support for this bender
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
