Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
