Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
