dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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