Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
