Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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