Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
