dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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