Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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