forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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