i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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