there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
