It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
