Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
