Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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