He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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