People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
