I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
