Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
