Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
