My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
