what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
