i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
