My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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