I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
