I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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