You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
