I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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