Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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