well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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