Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't deserve a penis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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