i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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