omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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