Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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