Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
