Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
