So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
being pregnant is like rehab
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
