I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
