You made me cry and you don't even care
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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