New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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