did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
