When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
