A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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