I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
